I had never been to a court wedding before but this month I had the privilege of attending two. In Cameroon, most people actually have three weddings. The first is in the bride's village. The nervous fiancé meets all the family to whom he must pay the "bride price". The amount depends on the tribe, the age of the girl, the family position, etc. I would say the average amount paid is somewhere around $600 with it easily going up to $3,000. For a country where the average person makes about $2 a day that is a massive amount! It is a lot of stress on these young couples who usually start their married life penniless or in debt. But once they pay the money, the family blesses them. They all drink some palm wine and they officially give the women to the man.
Marriage number two is the court wedding which is the only one recognized by the government. Unfortunately some people skip out on this. Down the road many widows find themselves being evicted and their personal property being taken away by their husband's family (even their children can be taken away!) as they have no legal rights. To have a court wedding, the couple both have to have blood tests. But more about the ceremony in a second.
The third wedding would be done at a church, where the pastor prays and blesses the couple. Most church have some form of marriage counseling before the big day. Generally most Christians wouldn't live together until after this final wedding. This is often an expenisve ordeal as big reception are held after with mountains of food. People spend so much money on funerals and weddings in this country !
For those of you that have ever visited us, you will know our Joy. Joy started working for us just a few months after we arrived in Cameroon. Since any housework, shopping, paying bills etc. takes massive amounts of time in developing countries, most people have a house help. Even poor families have a girl from the village come and live with them to help out. Our first year here it was a shock to see 13 year-old girls doing most of the house work in so many places (washing nappies plus all the household clothes, cooking, washing dishes, keeping the house clean, and looking after baby). But generally when the baby gets a little older the family will pay for her to go to school so it is win win for everyone. Joy started working for us in her late teens. She has always been a wonderful help and blessing. Our children love her, she is so great with them. She keeps our house clean, and is always ready to babysit when needed. She also stays in our house while we return to the States for 6 months at a time. Joy is really like a daughter to us. When we moved up to Bamenda 7 years ago, she moved up with us. Because of her I don't have to spend hours ironing clothes (to kill all the mango worms), cleaning the never ending amount of dust, or line up for hours to pay the electric or water bill. I can focus on homeschooling in the morning, and ministry in the afternoon. So we were thrilled when she told us she had met somebody at church and they were going to get married.
Here's how the court wedding went down:
We all entered a small office at the city council where everyone was presented to the secretary. She made sure everyone was present and tells the couple what to expect. We then headed to the hall where marriages are officiated by the mayor. When Joy and Obed were called forward, Joy was first asked if this is a monogamous or polygamous marriage (both are legal here). When Joy answered monogamous, the Mayor asked her why she is so selfish (he got a few laughs). He then turned to Obed and told him to make sure that he always listens to his wife's ideas, they may be little, but listen anyway. He told Joy that her responsibility is to keep the house clean and cook for the husband, and asked her if she was wiling to do this. He instructed her that she must never refuse her husband sex, and then he instructed Obed that he must never refuse to eat food that his wife cooks (the importance of food in this culture never ceases to amaze me!). After that they exchanged vows and rings, were pronounced man and wife, and kissed. It all took about 10 minutes. Then we headed outside for photos with the mayor.
In front of the mayor
Signing of licence
Yay!
The happy couple, how cute are they!!
Then last week our main cook at Helping Hands Children's Home also had her court wedding. She had had her village wedding last year. Since her fiancé will be traveling to Dubai next month for up to two years, they decided to get their court wedding before he left. It was pretty much the same with another big meal at the end. So happy for each of these special couples!
Charlotte and Valentine
Charlotte is someone I do Bible studies with and I've taught to drive. She's a good friend.
